iscribblings

Charting life's circuitous path


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A sketch made clean.

sky

Waking with grey skies across dull eyes,
Blanket weighs heavily on weak limbs.
Coffee mugs scattered across cluttered surfaces.
One after another, brown rings overlapping into moons.
But no moon rises for a new day to begin.
I’m feeling low.

A silhouette that’s fading around the edges.
Dark smudges, opaque with fears, sadness and loathing.
Sugar highs pass like brief sunbursts through weeping clouds.
Floods soon follow and loathing roars with triumph.
Rainbows are for the morning. A hope held between limp hands.
The clock ticks down the hours.

Shake the grains loose one more time.

Begin again.

cupI woke up this morning and I instantly knew it was going to be a bad day.  A heavy day filled with all of the doubts, fears, anger and self-loathing I could muster.

And I hadn’t even hit the alarm yet.  :/

I had a very bad night with little rest and the grey skies today aren’t helping me bounce back.  I know that waiting it out and getting back to a routine will help me, but it’s so hard sometimes to just get through the day.  My brain knows one thing but my emotions are saying another and it’s hard to shut them off.

So I’m having a lot of tea and coffee and trying to stop the sugar binge from destroying my self-esteem.  I wish there was a way to just “get over it” all, but that way lies deception.  Accepting where I am and feeling it for the moment as what I am makes me stronger.  There’s always tomorrow.

And if not that, another.

Cup of tea, that is. 😉

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Caramel latte memories

coffeeWhen thoughts slowly swirl like caramel in frothed milk
Thick, dense, and dark against the white cream.
They dissipate, blending as the milk turns latte brown.
I sip carefully as it scorches the edge of my memories.
Friends walking away without goodbyes, disappearing.
Family silently watching each other, distrustful but full of smiles.
Memories, both real and imaginary swirl together
trapping each other in a tangle. No longer separate.
Earlier, the clean porcelain mug sat on the counter.
Alone, it waited patiently, safe in its knowledge of utility.
Shaking hands, unsteady, unsure grasp the smooth handle.
The steady porcelain never wavers, holding the hot liquid
Giving the lost hands something to do.
The caramel swirl mirroring the dark thoughts threatening to spill
A mind teetering on the edge of the mug.
For the briefest sip, my breath stutters out of my lungs.
Now warm.


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Snapshots

An odd post for me, but I wanted to share some of the things that have brought a smile into my life this last month.  In a lot of ways, it’s been a really good month for me.  I still have many goals and issues to work on, but this month hasn’t been as heavy as they have been.  I’d like to do these kinds of posts from time to time since they share literal snapshots of the good things in my life. I just hope you don’t mind. 🙂

Apologies for the quality of the snaps.  Anymore, I use my phone for all pictures, and I’m not a very good photographer.  Nor am I a great poet, so excuse the attempt at poetics in the captions.  😀

bikes

Warm sun flashing off newly polished bells. Deliverance.

brownies

Crackled crust hides the soft, gooey molten chocolate that flows into the bones and weighs one down with content.

pink

Even with the softest whisper, love states firmly, I’ll be with you. I am here in every dappled curve.

sprinkles

Sprinkling bright, sweet and childlike. Cookies at the end of the rainbow.

welcome

I say hello to my happy sentry and pat the soft head, hoping to gain the same level of optimistic happiness.