A couple of important things things in my life ended this week. Some were unexpected and others were early. One is challenging me to rethink my definition of what it means to be “healthy”. Some might think them rather trivial, but in my life, right now, they are who I am.
My job ended and I strained a muscle so I’m out for the count.
No job and no exercise.
I had some idea that my job was going to be on hold for a few weeks come the end of the week prior to today. The projects are few and short this year and they were struggling to fill the couple of months where they can have us work. I appreciated and was thankful for the four weeks I was able to clock. The job rebuilt some of the foundation that I was letting crumble around me.
It made me see myself as a productive individual with skills to share. Outside of teaching.
It gave me some great times with some wonderful people. Outside of teaching.
It gave me hope that I was more than what I had been these last eight years. I finally felt free of what had begun to confine me so tightly.
Ironically enough, I sat next to a young man that had asperations to be an English teacher. I wasn’t about to share my woes, since that’s what they are. Mine. All mine and I hope the very best for this young man that his dreams come true and that they stay true.
While it’s so easy to feel really down about being unemployed again, I have to look on the up side to my situation.
- The temp job has one more project scheduled for June. Luckily, it was scheduled right after my in-laws visit so I can take a “vacation” and enjoy life.
- The job gave me renewed enthusiasm and confidence. In fact, I just applied for a job at my hubby’s work! Not sure I’ll get it, but I’m giving this search thing another go.
- I tried a new job and you know what? It wasn’t scary. 🙂 The interview was easy, the job was fun and I found out that I CAN do something other than teach.
It may be sad, but summer ends today. But, even though today everything will end, it means a new summer will come.
While losing the job is a bit of a blow, what is really challenging me is my injury. I’m not entirely sure what happened, but all I know is that one minute I was cozy in bed and then the next I was screaming in pain. I spent all of Monday and Tuesday recooperating and I thought I was coming along well.
Until last night when I strained it again. Partial strain unlike the first one, but enough to have me limping today and digging out the bag of frozen mixed veggies to serve as ice pack.
So, I’m going to rest it for another week and we’ll see how I am on the 23rd.
I cannot convey to you how frustrated I feel right now. It’s impossible. It’s like those bad book reviews:
Part pain, part frustration, part depression with a whole lot of fear.
I want to jump with joy and enthusiasm, punch out my frustration, and curl my way to fitness.
Instead, I’m forced to sit or lie down with angst and try to find myself under this blanket of unknown.
Will I gain back the 20 pounds I had lost? Will it come back in spades like everyone always says like some kind of curse?
Will I be able to allow myself the break my body really needs or will I instead send myself down a different path of calorie obsession?
I’ve already started down that path and I’m not sure if I like where it’s headed.
I keep reading Andrea’s blog post about getting over a similar “down time” with her weight loss and injury for inspiration and hope. Maybe I, too, will be like her and come out of this not only stronger but more confident.