Since I had written this post, I have to admit that my sense of self hasn’t stayed completely positive. I’ve had some really low days when I thought that I didn’t have a single skill that a future employer would want. When I thought that I just might have really wasted my time by getting my master’s degree. When I thought that I would just have to start all over.
Most of all of this negativity was in my head, of course. At the same time that I was crying over not being marketable, I was confidently writing numerous resumes and cover letters stating just the opposite. This Jekyll and Hyde routine left me stressed and wondering: what defined me?
For a long time it was my education – both being a member (a student) and an enforcer (instructor). I have known little else and the seemingly easy decision to leave the education system was scary and difficult.
Now, I have to think about it this way: I’m a new person with skills that just so happen to be education derived.
I try to keep that mentality but some days are just so hard.
I had a job interview today and, of course, zero sleep last night. The job isn’t in the education system, but it does have its feet firmly planted in that sector. I jokingly call this my “weaning period”. This interview will hopefully prove more productive than the last and I should hear something by the end of next week. After leaving the interview (which was successful), I thought I’d feel happy, jubilant, or at least relieved. This is what I have been waiting for. But as I walked to my car and swapped my suit jacket for my cozy winter coat, I didn’t feel happy, jubilant or even relieved.
I felt conflicted.
Was this job a good idea? On a practical and immediate level, any job is a good job.
Can I see myself doing this in the far future? Not really and that’s where I’m struggling.
I know that I don’t have to think retirement at this moment, but after the turmoil of the last few months, I suppose I’m really searching for stability and a path.
The other day felt like a biscuit day. Big, fluffy biscuits soothe my nerves. My usual go-to biscuit is J.P.’s Big Daddy Biscuits from AllRecipes.com. These are good, sturdy biscuits, but they weren’t the light and flaky biscuits that I dream about drizzled with honey and soaking up the butter.
However, these biscuits are IT.
They are tall, flaky, layered and buttery even without additional butter (that didn’t stop me, though). They literally melt in your mouth. I made a batch of these and produced about a dozen good-sized biscuits. This was also the first time that I used unbleached flour and I liked the results. I couldn’t tell a difference outside of color and the speckled coloring just made the biscuit that much more comforting.
Kickpleat (Jeannette of Everybody Likes Sandwiches) has a lovely post about them and the recipe. You can find her recipe for The Flakiest Biscuit here at her blog. (I interpreted the t measurement as a teaspoon and everything came out just fine.) This recipe is also very quick – in about 20 minutes you’ll have lovely, hot biscuits.
I followed the original recipe listed with the following alterations: I used unsalted butter and skim milk. They still taste decadent.
These biscuits might not be helping me find my place in the world, but they are helping me feel a lot better about being in it.